It sucks to like someone so much, only to realise that it doesn't reciprocate the way I hope for it to be..

Syahrul.. His mum passed away just more than a week ago. I couldn't describe the emotions that were going through inside of me. I felt really sad for his mum's demise, and at the same time, I was just really affected by it that I couldn't stop thinking about the past and of what we were three years ago.. All I had to do was to ask him how he was doing, and it all sparked off from there.. I miss him. I honestly do.. I have no idea where did this feeling come from, and how did it start to spark all over again.. But it's here, and I can't get it off my chest!

How are you, Syahrul?.. is the usual question that I post to him, worried that I might go overboard and unconsciously (seriously?!) tell him that I miss him.. I do, seriously. And what better way than to regain back all these feelings right before my completion of my assignment for this week!

Tired ttm.. From work, from assignment.. But l still, somehow, have a small thought about him almost everyday for this entire week.

He asked me out, and I agreed for Saturday, whereby I will buy him dinner, and makes sure he gets warm (NOT cuddly) around me.. Of course I am worried, and extremely self conscious of the way I look.. But as much as I really like him now, I will quickly get over guys who don't show their interests in me in due time, and most importantly, I am here as a friend.. I'm not going to try too hard because I'm not here to woo him.. I'm just here to show I care, I'm here, and that I'm sorry for all that's happened in the span of three years..

I'm falling for you. Will you fall for me too?

Until then,
Au Viderzeen..

I feel like crap, reminiscing on my past and wondering what could've been if I hadn't done certain things.. But that wouldn't be right to blame everything on myself, and having regrets and so many what-ifs. I believe life was somehow pre-planned and certain things happen because it has it's reasons behind it.. Allah knows best, right? And we may not know the answers to everything, but He knows.. SubhanAllah.

I try to put my envies and my jealousy aside because I'm sure it's just doing me no good.. I love myself and I respect myself, insyaAllah from now on, physically and emotionally and spiritually and all, so I should mean what I say by acting on it. So that means I shouldn't be worked up on what has happen and focus on building up my Iman and my love for Allah and everything that He loves, I should love too..

I know it's not easy. But I will try. InsyaAllah..

How I miss you, is too short of a phrase to describe all that I'm feeling right now. Astarghfirullah..

Until then,
Au Viderzeen