Saturday, May 24, 2008
/// 11:10:00 PM
Waiting For?You..? Hmmph. Confuse me even more.
I keep falling for those whose answers are always questions.
But I still want you.
I still want to wait for you.
Should I wait?
Yes. I should. Not directly waiting, but just wait in my silence..
Until all the questions are cleared.
I miss you.
See you soon, hopefully see you more frequently.
Hmm, I hope, but I just really don't know.
Until then,
Au Viderzeen.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
/// 11:10:00 PM
TYC!I'm going crazy.. Don't spread to the whole world (in this case, my ward is my world) that I'm having a crush on u! Really super super huge crush on u lah TYC! How now?
I am like really missing u alot right now! Earrghhh. Going to work has never been this thrilling. Haizz how I wish I could impress u more with my skills..
Ur pressed shirt, competency, wisdom, responsbility.. Yeahh, it's love. Hahaha. Baby I'm amazed in u, in so many ways.
Hearts, Nurul.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
/// 12:13:00 AM
So How?
Went lalala-ing again just now... Hahaha, with new lalala company but still same great fun. Thanks for staying late with me.. I feel that twas all kinda worth it. =) Nevertheless...
"I miss u already, that it confuses me.. Confuses me because.. because I'm not used to this. Because I'm not used to decide re: settling down, but now I'm starting to have thoughts about it, about doing so with u. Because.. because.. I'm starting to have feelings for u all over again. And it feels so funny yet so warm inside me. It tickles me to realise that I feel this weird sensation lingering all over me. I sorta miss u, but I didn't know it felt so strong until now.. Was it the drinks that made me go a little high - I only drank lemon tea!? Was it the atmosphere? Was it the songs that played out of the amplifier? What was it..? I keep thinking I wasn't into guys that much lately (or even sometimes think that I'm gay, hahaha), so how? Was it ur embrace, my embrace? Is this just one of those close friends-who-end-up-falling-for-each-other kinda moment? Is this love, once more, am I wasting my time for love again? Shld I do that with u? Shld we try being in love again, but having no-strings-attached with each other? Shld we? Shld we try and fall in love then let our hearts be broken in the end? Shld we? Shld we let our hearts be broken and ruin this super amazing fantastic friendship that we have now after so many many years? Even when years ago we kept letting it off several times over and over again? And why, because of this same reason I think, right? What shld I do? Shld I talk this over to u? Shld we let our hearts decide, or play it with logic? It's burning so quickly, and so strongly inside of me... The questions, the feelings, everything about u burns in me.. It's so hot, cookies would automatically cook in a second. Haiizz.. The options will make me lose and gain some here and there, but which one shld I choose. This is crazy. I... I miss u like crazy.."
Until then,
Au Viderzeen.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
/// 8:45:00 PM
Irresistable.
"It's driving me off the wall almost everyday, whenever I think about this, whenever I think about u. Each day, feels so much further away from u since the day u left, because.. because I really don't know exactly when u'll come back. When will u ever come back? When can we get to see us again?
Even so, when u finally come back, can I even be sure we'll really get to meet again? We've talked about this umpteenth of times, and.. yes, it's all God's willing for this to take place, but I am only human, I am just someone who has feelings.. Don't we all? Don't u have feelings too?
With that, I say, I am just someone who has feelings of yearning to see u, the desire to be right next to u again, just having ur presence surround me.. I can't, I really can't resist all these emotions. Do u know I miss u so? Do u know I miss u so.. so much? Don't u feel the same way too?
In my prayers, when I'm wide awake, even sometimes when I'm asleep.. Thoughts of u seem to continuously pour and keep draining and draining.. So many things surrounding me reminds me of u, a reminder of how fast my heart will beat when I see u; even when I'm just glancing through photographs of u, when I'm just recalling all the memories about u, the memories with u.. I can feel a race deep in my chest, pounding so strongly, so quickly.. I end up feeling as though I am gasping for my breath, feeling as though I am all breathless.. breathless for u, breathless to see u, breathless to hear from u and have long hours of conversation with u like we used to do before. Don't u think of me too? Don't u.. don't u get all tachycardic for me in situations like those I wrote above?
I can't keep all these to myself anymore, I can't keep these things all by myself. I'm sure u know it by now, I will express my emotions to u when I miss u, most of the time I just need to let u know. I can't resist these feelings, I just need to let u know. It's so hard to tell it to u sometimes, and it's much harder to keep it from u too, all the time.. Don't u want to tell me how u feel too? Why can't u just tell it to me once in a while?
I'm sorry, I miss u so much.
I'm sorry, please don't let our relationship grow apart..
I'm sorry, am I saying too much?
I'm sorry, I feel this way, but just tell me, what about ur part?
Honestly, really, what are ur actual feelings for me? This is irresistable, I really really miss u."
Until then,
Au Viderzeen.
Monday, May 05, 2008
/// 10:44:00 PM
Sorry?
Things got a little crazy with me and Faizah 2 days ago. The reason which sparked our argument may seem a little silly, but I was really emotional at that time.. The moment she said she didn't trust me, I totally blew up. I don't know, it's like I've been bottling up so many things inside me - which is related to the way Faizah's been treating me all these while - that made me react that way. I haven't really had a proper conversation with Faizah for the past 2 days, much less even look straight at her for even a minute.. Looking at her kinda boils me up even more.. I tried apologising, but heck.. she doesn't even care, she's too ignorant to look into her mistakes. Ahh, sometimes I feel that she's just so shallow.
So seriously, I have no idea how this will go on, or whether she won't really talk to me anymore after this, maybe for the rest of the year, I have really no idea at all. It just sucks, really. So she don't need my money? Of course she doesn't - she doesn't need my money to pay her tuition fees now because she wants Abah to work extra hard so he can pay for it; she doesn't need my money because she doesn't need to eat at home because I'm the one who helps with the household money, again same reason as above; she doesn't need to get monthly allowance from mak because I chipped in for that part too.. That's what she should really think about when she told me she doesn't need my money.. Oh, what a brat.
So when we do talk, it'll just feel weird I guess? I don't know.. Kita adik beradik cuma tiga orang je, entahlah.. I'm just so confused now. Entah, tengoklah macamne beberapa hari selepas ni.
Nevertheless, setiap apa yang terjadi mesti ada hikmahnya, so yes.. I got really emotionally attached to Mak after what happened with me and Faizah. Initially after arguing with Faizah again today, and throwing a table and a chair, I wanted to run away.. I wanted to get away from all this drama, so I don't have to face her at home and calm myself down, but Mak managed to win my heart and calm my emotions down.. It was so magical. I was all dressed up to go out, but I just didn't know where to go. I couldn't even make up a story to Mak as to where I wanted to go. I just couldn't, I couldn't pretend to smile when I know that's not reality. Much less, lie about my destination.. It'll just feel weird inside.. So magical, how I managed to settle down and smile and even laugh a little after talking to Mak and let Mak talk to me.. She invited me to another alternative other than 'running away'. Listening to her advice felt so magical.. The magic of ayat-ayat dari Al-Qur'an and from Mak.. Thanks Mak..
Hmm, I think Azrul's mad at me. I sort of vented some of my anger to him and that's really not fair. He told me he'll call me tonight but I haven't heard from him eversince 4pm. I don't know if I should follow with my ego or just call him right now. I hope he's ok. I'm feeling slightly uncomfortable thinking about him right now.. Hmm...
I also hope that Dzulhelmi's not avoiding me too. U're such an important person to me, Helmi. Please don't go.. I'm sorry I let my feelings take over me the other day. I miss u so much more now. Sorry.
I just hope that I don't ruin 3 relationships at one go..
Until then,
Au Viderzeen.
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