Thursday, August 31, 2006
/// 1:42:00 PM
Dear Paul,
I wish I could meet up with you someday. I want you to prove me wrong about what others had said about you - that you're arrogant. Are you? I hope not, and please don't be.
You've opened up my heart into liking you. Yes, I think you're pretty interesting - fun to watch, and you seem like a really cool person to hang out with. The way you strut your stuff, I see that you're quite a modest guy, and to me, that is a virtue. Uhuh.
Winning, time.. These things are precious, but having patience and being modest, yo, that's a virtue everyone forgets to encompass. Plus your determination - whoa baby, that blew me away.
I look forward to seeing you every week, and I don't want that to end. Not yet, baby. Not now. Yeah, and no matter what, I'm hoping that someday, honey, someday, we'll get to really meet, and it's time you see me, and then probably we could hang out and talk. A couple of snapshots, and alright baby, I'll keep those memories. By then, you'd have made my adolescent dream come true.
It may sound sick, I know. I mean come on, our age gap?
But it's just an adolescent thing, before I let -teen out from my age. I just wanna be an acquaintance to you. That's all, honey. Just one day, and you'd have made a big impact on my life, rest assured.
A letter with no stamp, no address and definitely no you to read it. Maybe it'll get sent in some other way? But I just hope that someday, not too long, this dream will come true.
Until Later,
Au Viderzeen.
Your fan,
AinL.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
/// 1:03:00 PM
thanks, KL.
for walking away.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
/// 6:46:00 PM
this day.
took the looong bus ride there today.
it was kinda annoying to have to stand for almost 3/4 part of the journey.
plus i had to wait a couple of times for some rather unnecessary things,
and walk for quite some time to get a place to sit
to get to my destination.
despite all that,
the scenery was awesome, and the breeze, sun and scents were amazing.
Alhamdulillah.
had some grub that weren't too bad,
and Alhamdulillah again, cause I didn't have GE at the end.
sort out my mind a little, calmed myself down..
the soothing music played on the radio were terrif.
i was, well, duuh, calmed down, of course.
silence was in me today,
the weather got me rather sleepy.
ahh, well.
i think some things are able to be cleared out.
i mean, currently, in general..
it's friendship that i'm looking for.
for all the things that's been troubling me lately.
i realised, while i was there,
romance is definitely not on top of my list of priorities.
not now, not yet.
until later,
my fried chicken (ahh, the sinful weekly indulgence)
is calling my name,
for the umpteenth time.
so yah, chicken now.
to the tracks tomorrow.
i promise.
so yeah, au viderzeen.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
/// 8:08:00 PM
hey, FRIEND.
but, of course.
i'm never remembered by u, right?
i don't have any place in anyone's lives
especially yours, right?
u can shoot at others behind their backs
calling them names
that they're this, that, whateverlah.
yah, talk about having good friends around me.
yah, talk lah talk.
well i'm done with all these nonsense that goes
"we're friends, what."
and other friendship whatevernots like..
"i know i'll have them even when others go away."
"she's my good friend, i trust her."
or, especially,
"he's my bestfriend, we don't talk much, but i know we are one."
oh, to hell with that.
i'm done with persuading myself
"oh, he's probably busy."
or, "oh yah, she has her own bestfriend, at least i know i have her."
RIGHTTTTT.
and then came the betrayal.
oh boyyyy, oh pleaaseeee.
i'm not gonna start blaming myself again.
i'm not that dumb, if u think i am.
i'm not that sweet, sugar-coated girl anymore
because of u
because of all of ur betrayals
i have now grown up
i have.
and i am so much mature inside,
rather than ya'll who only grows
like what, in romance?
whatever.
so i'm done with having the patience to wait for ur call
or any sweet messages that's out of the blue
saying, "i miss u.."
rather than, "see, i did call what."
i was keeping it tough, man.
with the things u kept from me
the sharp words u said to me.
this is for u,
to all of those 'true' friends who have neglected me
betrayed me
fooled me.
if u really think i'm that much of a friend to u,
if u think i have a special place in ur heart
or memories, or whatever nice sweet things..
if u want me to gain back in trusting u,
if u're not so dumb each time stuffs like these
are thown at ur face.
indirectly hinting on what u've done to me
and what u should be doing to make things better.
if u REALLY CARED.
if I'M REALLY UR FRIEND.
do something about it.
DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
i mean it.
cause, damn it, i have done a million things for u.
for our friendship.
and it's time i realised
i'll put a stop to it.
i don't hate u.
i hate what u did.
i've been nice all along.
i'll always be.
just don't break me anymore.
i know what u've done that has really cheered me up.
i've missed all that.
i've missed u.
and i thank u for creating those nice memories for me..
i do, really.
but i'm done waiting.
i'm done being so patient.
call me, ask me out.
do something about it.
talk to me, listen to me.
just, please, be my friend.
be a friend - and act like one.
cause we're not
email buddies,
or long distance friends.
so please.
if u care, u know i'm still here.
just don't let me carry all these weights
all these tears
all of the pain
by myself.
i'll really break down by then.
cause hell really hath so fury like a woman's scorn.
and no, i'm not gonna joke about this.
until then,
i'm still ur good friend.
au viderzeen.
CLICK AWAY
The Memories
