everything's gonna be alright, sweetheart..~

be strong, friends.
be strong, ain.

if he was still alive, today's the day he'll be taking his results.
it could've been, but Allah knows best.

stay strong, and don't u cry.



**still thinking of you, & always missing u..**

until later,
au viderzeen.

i'm still trying to be strong.


here without you by my side.
each and every day.

everyday, memories of you...
memories of us..
passes through my mind.

until the day i die.

everything that reminds me of you,
grips my heart so tight.
it'll always make me feel like breaking down.

sometimes when i'm alone
and thoughts of you come running through my mind
i break down
i break down
i'm really breaking down.

the pain in my heart,
only Allah knows.

the yearning for you is too strong.
InsyaAllah, only prayers can bring us closer together.

InsyaAllah...


until later,
au viderzeen.

each morning i wake up
thinking that ur death
was all just a scary dream

i know it's not.
and i have to live with that reality.


i have.
i'm just trying to overcome with this shock.

i miss u dearest.
so much.
it's breaking my heart even more.

i love u so much.

but everything that happens has its own reasons.
and despite the fact that i'm all so broken down.

ur death has really taught me a lot, dear.

"semua yang terjadi ada hikmahnya".

oh yes. yes there is.


until later,
au viderzeen.

Selamat Tinggal Temanku Yang Sejati

walaupun kita belum pernah bersua
walaupun hanya teman di internet sahaja
sudah cukup aku mengetahui
bahawa dirimu seorang yang baik hati

belum sempat kita mengenali lebih mendalam lagi
belum sempat ku ucapkan kata-kata gembira padamu
abang sedara serta kakakmu berkata padaku,
"Dia telah pergi jauh dari kami.."

terasa sempit di dadaku ini
seolah nafasku tiba-tiba terhenti
hendakku percaya, tapi hati ini tak dapat nak terima
marah, sedih, semuanya terjadi..

lebih dua bulan setelah perkara itu terjadi
aku masih mencari
bukti-bukti adakah berita yang ku terima waktu itu
satu permainan ataupun kebenaran
bahawa kau telahpun pergi

seperti sebuah mimpi seram
bukti yang ku cari telahpun ditemui
dan jawapan yang ku dapati
bukanlah yang ku harap-harapkan
kawanku yang sejati benar-benar telah jauh membawa diri

sebak di dada mencengkam di dalam jiwa
pasrah; ku ketakutan, kebingungan dan kesedihan
tak tertahan lagi perasaan serba keresahan ini
air mata jernih berlalu turun
membasahi pipiku ini

ingin ku lari mencari kau lagi
namun ku tahu ia tiada mengerti
masih menangis, meraung di dalam hati
aku berdoa Allah akan mencucuri rahmat
ke atasmu, rakanku yang aku kasihi..

Al-Fatihah kan ku pohon padamu
sebagai utusan ingatanku terhadap dirimu
aku sentiasa merinduimu
walaupun jauh di mataku, namun sentiasa
dekat di hati ini..

selamat tinggal temanku yang sejati
kesepian tanpamu disisi amatlah dirasai
aku berharap suatu ketika nanti
kau akan kutemui jua

selamat tinggal rakanku khalis..
salam sayang dariku, Nurul Ain.

today
I realised one of my dear friend has passed away.

it's not that i didn't know.
it's not that i wasn't informed.

on the night 13th of November, 2004
the eve of Hari Raya Aidilfitri..
my heart and fingers were moved
to say hi to him, my dear friend.
but it wasn't the usual, happy hi that i would get from him.
it was sad news from his 'abang sedara' and big sister.

"he passed away on the afternoon of 12th November, 2004."
that was their reply.
i was heartbroken and i couldn't handle the news,
i thought it was all just a plain mean joke.

i said, "stop joking around. it's not funny."
"why would we be joking? this is not a funny matter."
and they even left me their home number.

still angry, thinking that it was all a mean joke,
i told one of my friends to call him up and ask if he was actually there.
but i didn't get any good news or the opposite.

heart feeling all bruised, i threw all my feelings
at my close friend, nasir.
he was also the one who called.

and today,
a few minutes ago,
i found out the real truth.
that my friend khalis has actually left us all.
from this world.

i'll pray that his soul will rest in peace.
and Allah will accept his good doings
and forgive all the bad ones, if he actually had any.
i can't call him to say sorry.
now i'm tormented with guilt, fear and despair.

i hope he'll forgive me.
for all the things i've said behind him.

i'm scared. i'm sorry.
the feeling is worst then when my first love left me too.
now i have so much thoughts in my mind.
i'm about to break down.

i need to be alone now.
i'm still shaken.
and scared.
so much guilt tied up to my neck.

i'm so shaken.
i need to go now.

i'm sorry.

Yesterday... Me and a bunch of my friends went to Changi Hospital to meet my dear friend Nicky.

He was down with dengue fever about a week ago.
On Wednesday (2nd of February, 2005) I called him up and ask how he was doing.
And all I got was sad news.
The next day, we talked about him in class. All I heard was even more sad news.
I almost cried. Man, I miss him so much.

So the day after that, which is yesterday, we headed over to meet him. And thank God we came cause on that day he was going to be discharged too. He's better now, but with rashes and some bruises on some parts of his body.
I heard from him that his brother was down with dengue fever too. I hope he's ok.

Dear Mr Nicky was better. He was smiling. He was himself. And he was so happy to see us.
I'm so happy to see him too.
All he needs now are more rests and a lot of washing up to do. =P

I hope to see him back in school again.
My classmate, my good friend, my dear dear..
Nicky.

=P =P

Alright, that's a tribute to Nicky up there. All Nicky Nicky Nicky.
About me?
Well, other than feeling happy that I met up with Nicky and that he's feeling much better now..

Until Later,
Au Viderzeen.