Sorry?

Things got a little crazy with me and Faizah 2 days ago. The reason which sparked our argument may seem a little silly, but I was really emotional at that time.. The moment she said she didn't trust me, I totally blew up. I don't know, it's like I've been bottling up so many things inside me - which is related to the way Faizah's been treating me all these while - that made me react that way. I haven't really had a proper conversation with Faizah for the past 2 days, much less even look straight at her for even a minute.. Looking at her kinda boils me up even more.. I tried apologising, but heck.. she doesn't even care, she's too ignorant to look into her mistakes. Ahh, sometimes I feel that she's just so shallow.

So seriously, I have no idea how this will go on, or whether she won't really talk to me anymore after this, maybe for the rest of the year, I have really no idea at all. It just sucks, really. So she don't need my money? Of course she doesn't - she doesn't need my money to pay her tuition fees now because she wants Abah to work extra hard so he can pay for it; she doesn't need my money because she doesn't need to eat at home because I'm the one who helps with the household money, again same reason as above; she doesn't need to get monthly allowance from mak because I chipped in for that part too.. That's what she should really think about when she told me she doesn't need my money.. Oh, what a brat.

So when we do talk, it'll just feel weird I guess? I don't know.. Kita adik beradik cuma tiga orang je, entahlah.. I'm just so confused now. Entah, tengoklah macamne beberapa hari selepas ni.

Nevertheless, setiap apa yang terjadi mesti ada hikmahnya, so yes.. I got really emotionally attached to Mak after what happened with me and Faizah. Initially after arguing with Faizah again today, and throwing a table and a chair, I wanted to run away.. I wanted to get away from all this drama, so I don't have to face her at home and calm myself down, but Mak managed to win my heart and calm my emotions down.. It was so magical. I was all dressed up to go out, but I just didn't know where to go. I couldn't even make up a story to Mak as to where I wanted to go. I just couldn't, I couldn't pretend to smile when I know that's not reality. Much less, lie about my destination.. It'll just feel weird inside.. So magical, how I managed to settle down and smile and even laugh a little after talking to Mak and let Mak talk to me.. She invited me to another alternative other than 'running away'. Listening to her advice felt so magical.. The magic of ayat-ayat dari Al-Qur'an and from Mak.. Thanks Mak..

Hmm, I think Azrul's mad at me. I sort of vented some of my anger to him and that's really not fair. He told me he'll call me tonight but I haven't heard from him eversince 4pm. I don't know if I should follow with my ego or just call him right now. I hope he's ok. I'm feeling slightly uncomfortable thinking about him right now.. Hmm...

I also hope that Dzulhelmi's not avoiding me too. U're such an important person to me, Helmi. Please don't go.. I'm sorry I let my feelings take over me the other day. I miss u so much more now. Sorry.

I just hope that I don't ruin 3 relationships at one go..

Until then,
Au Viderzeen.