It's like what they always say, no matter where u go, whatever that u're doing, and how much u change.. The strong qualities that makes u, the strong feelings that u have for certain things in the past will never really go away.

Somehow, u might really have changed, u might have actually overseen these things for quite a while.. But when something familiar suddenly bumps into u, then all of a sudden all these weird and rather fond feelings or memories automatically runs so fast, it'll go faster than fastforwarding the songs on ur mpeg player.

I'm writing all these is because it's my current experience.

It's been a quiet journey in my life for a while right now, especially since u're far. I'm caught in between being my young self, and just.. being myself. Being myself is like my personal obligation, my strength, and it just feels very right almost all the time. But on several occasions, just being my young self, it always just makes me feel.. very free, always taking the weight off my shoulders - the occasional burden of being myself. I am also caught in between u..

"U disappear, all of a sudden.. suddenly so far away. With such sharp, painful silence, u left. I'm stuck here wondering why, the reason for ur departure, such disheartening departure.. Ur presence will lift these burden off my shoulders, automatically sending out a weird sensation - of quick and sometimes, heavy and rapid heartbeat into my chest. It makes me go into a controllable seizure-like excitement so stat, but now.. oh, this tachycardic sensation is so painful when I think of u. U confuse me, yet so many moments, I know I require u here just like before, so much. I know I yearn for u. Ur presence is so strong, so strongly it touches me so deep inside.. So deep, I am wounded by its depth inside of me. Dressing my wound, now painful, but still yearning u would suddenly come back and hoping we could create memories, each a solitary breathtaking memory. I need u, I want to feel u inside of me again.. What's there for me to get all that? Just requiring u, out of so many, feels tight in my chest. I want to know what I can do to have u here with me.. I'm sorry, but I love u, u are a signifance, although far away, although I don't express it out. I know, I just know.. Right now, I am just very sure. I... love.. you.."

This emotion is so hard to resist.. I'm getting tachycardic just thinking of it, just feeling all of this, much stronger, typing all of this down -- a 2-hour of fear, and longing u were here.. I really miss u.

Until then,
Au Viderzeen.