Dear Shahril,

How long have we been friends, I need to hear it from u.. Wait, let me count.. It's 7 years, isn't it? And throughout these whole 7 years, have u ever felt that I was needed?

I have never really touched on these things before to u, as they always seemed petty. Because in the end, I am always very blessed that Allah brought us together, and this bond is seriously tight.. Just that, lately.. I feel as though we're drifting slightly apart, in a sense that, I have occasions when I get rather annoyed by u, by the way u seem to be treating me.. It's like, sometimes, u just don't seem to care about my feelings at all, and this feeling sucks.

Sucks because sometimes I just feel that I am one of ur close friend, whom u look on like one of ur 'brothers', rather than looking at me as ur closest girlfriend ever, and yes, bestfriends..
Somehow, there seem to suddenly be a barrier between us, and I hate this, I really really hate this. Is this just a phase in our relationship? Is this another huge test on our friendship? I have no idea at all, I am very confused..

I can remember vividly when we had our first huge conflict few years back, where we drifted off really far from each other, when I was very angry at u.. That was the time I almost gave up on us.. The day when u told me, u just didn't need me at all, that I was not required in ur life.. That day, u cut my heart so deep, there was no way I was going to forgive u, no way we would get back like how we've always been before. That was what I thought.. but somehow we overcame all that, u were forgiven, and the years later, our friendship has never been stronger than ever..

Until now...

Ask u, is the above situation going to repeat itself again, is it, this time, u really don't require our friendship anymore? Ahh, I am not willing to go through all that heartache again, and I am most unwilling to lose u.. If temporary distance means a bond stronger than ever when we're back together, then it's ok..

Or am I just being a little too paranoid? I have no idea.. I should confront u, like I did before, like I always do.. But why am I so afraid now? The faster we let this done, the faster we can get back from where we left off right?

Eventhough it seems like we're going slightly apart;

I know u do miss me

Even when u hate saying it out..

I know I am important to u,

Although u never say it aloud..

U know how much I love u,

U can tell from the way I always treat u.

U know I'll always be there for u

I've run a million times just to be with u..

I know that even if we go apart,

InsyaAllah we will still come together.

I know that even if we go apart,

We're still bestfriends in our hearts forever..

Because, after all..

I still do know what's best.

Because out of all the people,

U'll always be the one guy I'll choose among the rest.

I miss u Shahril, I hope to see u soon.

Yours,

Nurul Ain AL.

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Shahril, I know u won't read this entry, so u won't know everything that I wrote in here.. But there's one thing I hope u really can do, is that.. Just text me one day and say "I miss u, Ain". It won't kill u from being a non-romantic person. I promise if u do, I won't let anyone else know..

Ur secrets will always be my secrets, ur secrets will always be kept safely by me.

Haiz.. If only u knew..

Until then,

Au Viderzeen.