It's times like this when I realise my message can't be sent to u because there's a barrier that's stopping me to do so.

I wanted so badly to tell u about my day, and share some news with u. Times like this when I need to carve a real smile, and forget about some problems I've faced during the day. I wanted to, but I can't.

I heard your voice on the phone, it seems u're really busy and having so much fun. It sounded like my call have paused your enjoyment there. So I paused my sentences, no... I put it to stop mode in telling u my messages.

Your joy as one of my priorities in life, mine I put aside for the meantime, just like what I just did.

My thoughts, fears, anger and tears; I've kept them to myself. I want to run somewhere far and scream my heads off, to let go of those emotions, at least for a while. Again, I can't. 'Cause I'm too busy these days and have very little time for myself. It sucks more, because I'm neglecting a few dear people in my life, and the precious times we used to have. And I've been compiling one problem after another. No fret. HEH.

Now, the only 'me-time', I must say, the beautiful moments for myself is sleep. When my eyes are shut, and all I have are pleasant dreams (even nightmares can count in), or best of all, no night-shift thoughts at all.
That's when my problems are set aside for a moment. Moments when I don't have to cry nor smile, alone. Sometimes, without my own realisation, I may cry or feel scared, or smile. But those are fantasies, aren't they? And it's beautiful, annit? Heh.

Times like this when I realise, it's the dearest people in my life that I'm unable to get hold of at occasions when I really need to lift up my mood.

Times like this when I realise I'm on my own. I'm always gonna have to trust myself, and yes, stay alone... I'm think I'm gonna break any moment soon. Yes, alone. That's for sure.

Until Later,
Au Viderzeen.